Fitting Room Blues

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Now Mother Teresa doesn’t strike me as a complainer, I am pretty sure she was too busy saving the world to be bothered by frivolous stuff like anal bleaching and crows feet. Also when you’re surrounded by that much poverty and hunger I am sure a ‘thigh gap” has negative connotations. I think we can all agree that she wasn’t filling her insomnia riddled nights by reading blogs on eyebrow shaping and watching youtube videos on contouring. She was too busy doing cool shit.

And now I will prove that I am not Mother Teresa by complaining about my thighs.

Ok, not really. I actually quite like my thighs. I just hate that they don’t match up to the stringent standards set by clothing manufacturers about how bodies are supposed to be made.

I’m calling bullshit.

I’m actually a little bit tired of having to wear leggings. Or make choices between wearing jeans that fit my butt and breathing.

Seriously guys you need to get your shit together. Its not like big butts are a new thing? No woman should ever cry over finding a pair of jeans that actually fit. In fact nobody should be crying over any clothing item.

Manufacturers – It’s really about time you start to realise how varied the spectrum of bum shapes are. Beautifully varied. Also the sooner you recognise this the less likely you are to lose customers like myself who break the mould. There are tonnes of us. We’re not going anywhere. Do better.

I have a small waist and big butt and thighs. Otherwise known as the you-will-never-find-a-pair-of-jeans shape. It means that I can either wear “nice-ish” jeans that don’t allow me to sit down/eat, or I can look like someone who fixes toilets. It’s literally the worst. Its right up there with people chewing loudly or getting stuck in traffic when I need to pee really badly.

My belts could tell war stories.

There’s hope though.

1. Levi’s –

This nifty Fitguide allows you to choose through options like hip and waist size as well as Bum volume. (Bum volume isn’t an actual thing so don’t reference it when talking to the shop assistant).

Also – they have a promotion of R200 off their new Denim Collection (31 July, 7,14,21 and 28 August)

2. Woolworths “Curve” Range

Ah Woolworths I love you guys. First you gave me Chuckles and now pants to fit my chuckle enduced derrière. I also love that Woolworths hasn’t just thrown a bunch of stretchiness at the problem. They actually have structured the core of their Jeans to hug (and not choke) your butt.

What really makes me sad is that in my 26 years this is my go to list when buying jeans. 2 shops. 2.

Butt seriously, Jeans making people of the world I am already subjected to

– My body shape always being compared to a piece of fruit

– People expecting my butt to do butt dances. Twerking is a wonderful thing but unfortunately my butt doesn’t have any fancy party tricks it really only knows how to be a butt.

– Hearing “dat ass” from men like its an allowable comment. It’s not.

– Shorts. LOL

Please just start making jeans that fit bodies that look like this :

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Your sales will increase, I promise.

Jenna Jay.