How to love (step by step edition)

You see I have this friend.
Lets call him M. Now M has found H and M likes H more than he has offered to show H. M is scared and he ought to be because this love thing is kinda hard and all kinds of messy.

But the craziness of this all is M is asking me how. How to start and then how to never end.

You see I have never thought of myself as someone who understands love. So I’m grasping at all my little straws and hoping that I can knit something together, and it will probably have holes because well l always drop stitches but I hope it gives M some warmth.

So I said goodbye to M and I logged out of Skype after promising him that I would send my “How to love (step by step edition)” and so this is what I’ve managed to assemble.

1. Say it.
Loudly. Clear. Use as many words as you need. Use more than enough. Tell her only when you can see her pretty eyes and the dimple on her cheek. Tell her in the most expensive way. No whatsapps, no texts no shields of technology. Tell her when you feel that you can’t string together any sentences and your voice trembles and you hands are clammy with fear. Even when she may say no. Tell her.

2. Stick to it.
…and for goodness sake don’t go back. Don’t go back to playing games. To being friends. To keeping it bottled up. If she is smart, and I know you like them smart, then she will know that when one person is willing and happy to give up universes and galaxies for the other and travel to the ends of the earth for a hello and a hug. That’s not friendship. That’s messy crazy stupid love and so worth it when you both run into it with your arms spread wide. So if she shouts no make you sure you don’t whisper friendship. Because you and I both know your feelings aren’t hitchhiking out of your heart.

3. You fight and you stay.
You stay when money is tight. When the honeymoon period is no longer honeymoonish. When work days get long. When life gets unfair. When arguments happen. When …when…..when. You stay. You breathe in, you suck it up and you work it out. The 2 of you, together.

4. Hold her.
Her hand. Her heart. You get wrapped up in her. All the parts of her. The dreams the fears the secrets she has saved just for you. These things are the duct tape to the story of us and we. No longer you and her.

5. You believe in her.
you decide before step 1 that you will be her greatest cheerleader with the biggest pom poms and the loudest cheer. You put on your gumboots and you help her dig up the mud of doubts and fears that has trapped her driveway so that she can get out of her garage and explore. But when life gets too much and she feels like she no longer can take it and curls up on the ground you go back to the last step. You hold her.  But don’t stop there. You know she wasn’t made for the floor. You piggy back her while she gathers her breathe and then you make her get up and walk. And then run.

6. Be good to her.
You be good to her, you make her smile. That’s it. That’s all. If ever you need a starting point or a full stop it’s this: You be good to her. Forever. Always.

I love you M. Good luck and Good Love.

Love Jen x

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