I never ate salad. People would try, my mother would beg, but my answer was always the same – “I don’t eat salad.”. If you asked me what I didn’t like about it I would come up empty handed.
Until a few months ago. Would you like that with chips or salad? Salad please. The words shocked me as they left my mouth. What am I doing? Who have I become?
I lifted the fork towards my mouth. slowly. hesitantly. And I chewed for what felt like forever. And I didn’t forge an alliance or fall in a messy kind of love with it but I realized it was ok. Salad was ok.
Now I’m not saying that salad has changed my life or that my graduation into salad eating has made me a better person. But I’ve stopped making these outlandish statements about things I haven’t even met. Its made me realize that you stand in your own way most of the time, you park a massive semi in your driveway and then wonder why you can’t get out of the garage.
“I just can’t, not me.”
You just can’t? What? Why? Those words reminded me of my salad statement. They made me wonder if maybe you too could just throw away that “victim” label like I threw away my “I don’t eat salad” label. Maybe if you were just done with that word. Maybe if you just tossed it. Shredded it.
I wonder if you realized that you’re not some flopped-because-somebody-forgot-to-add-the-baking-powder kind of cake. Realized that you’re not some barbie who had some of its limbs pulled off. That maybe you’re ok. That maybe you’re more than ok and that maybe…
“You just can, yes you.”
“Victim” – Break up with that word. Divorce that title. Let it go. Move on. Its like any split, you can either choose to live in his old hoodies and the memories of those (few) great nights or you can just refuse to constantly be defined by a relationship you outgrew.
Try new things. Break new ground. Occupy new space. Fall in love with the awkward momentum of something different.
Its safe behind that “victim” veil. There are no risks.
I’m not even saying its going to be easy and you’ll never have all the answers. But who told you the answers are the point?
Even though the road is unknown and probably scary and you could fail, maybe just maybe there is a unicorn waiting to waltz with you.
This year has been a tsunami of risks but I wouldn’t have it any other way. People say I’m crazy. Why don’t I just work my normal 9-5, 5 days a week and enjoy my annual 2 weeks off. Why don’t I go home in the evenings and instead of power on my laptop and my entrepreneurial dreams, have a nap. My answer is, well maybe I am crazy. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe the world needs wild hearts to balance out the “normal” on the other end of this see saw. Maybe wild hearts are necessary.
Sometimes your dreams, the big scary ones are just teetering on the edge of whether you’re ready or not.
Stampede into this life and make a massive ruckus with gusto and other Italian nouns.
Jenna Jay x