I’m fat.

Guysssssss, I’m SO fat.

Really, I’m not. I weigh 65kgs (I may have rounded that down a little) but well, I’m average.
I’m not tiny, but I’m pretty healthy and every now and again I get whistled at by a front-toothless taxi driver, so I should be pleased.

I’m not fat, but I feel fat.

…And I don’t think its all my fault.

I remember watching Beverley Hills 90210 at primary school and Tori Spelling appeared in a beach scene. As she slow motionly jogged across the sand with her hair majestically whipping and the sun kissing her perfectly bronzed skinned a classmate spat out “wow she needs to tone up if she’s gonna run in that tiny costume”

Ok heaven knows why we were watching 90210 and more importantly why 12year old boys were shown half naked women while they should of been doing geometry. But I digress.

Tori Spelling people, Tori freaking Spelling needed to “tone up”.

If I ran on the beach would the jiggling of my NOT perfectly rounded butt make guys throw up in their mouths a little? Was I… gross? All I knew at 13 was that I was definitely no Tori Spelling, and if she needed to “tone up”? Then I needed a Unicorn and a Genie to procreate because it would take a Genie Unicorn to make me beautiful.

And thats how it all began. The great battle between proper health and perceived beauty. A losing battle.

With age I’m realizing that you have to know which battles to fight in order to win the war and I’m done with these internal daily draining ones.

It’s strange though, because I’m a strong independent confident woman (I may have said that with finger snaps because I’m….. kinda badass.) I very rarely get scared or intimidated. I speak up. BUT I can convince myself that I am insignificant and sometimes ugly in the blink of an eye, especially if that eye happens to fall on the goodness-knows-how-they-stay-perky-like-that boobs and ridiculously small waist of thaaaat girl at the gym. Why can’t you just wear missed matched training gear and sweat like the rest of us?

I swear, the most dangerous place in the world for my body, is my mind.

I can rattle off something I’m not happy with on most parts of my body … But I won’t. Not any more.

I’ve always had a strange nose and there really is nothing I can do about how I was born but last week I came across a picture of Ashlee Simpson and I wonder how she lives with it too?

And its winter so my lips are a little dry…..like Angelina Jolie’s sometimes are.

Goodness knows how I live with my not perfect teeth like Kirsten Dunst.

And sometimes I get a little chunky like Oprah Winfrey or….Tyra Banks.

Shame, poor me.

Comparison stole my Joy. And now I’m taking it back.

Jenna Jay.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “I’m fat.

  1. Love ittt!! Thank you for this perfectly written piece of how every girl feels, from time to time. And you are definitely one of thee most beautiful beauties i’ve come across!!

  2. Wow. I feel like I could have written this post if I was a different person and a better writer. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not the only one saying these things.

  3. Thank you Jenna for your honesty. Thank you for embracing your call. You are truely a blessing to many, including me.

  4. I just want to say Thank You ! Thank you for who you are & for sharing that simple & refreshing Truth. Jesus wants us to be Ourselves & Loves us that way. Thank You Jesus!! Seems like you are speaking out of my heart as well as yours. I cried reading your post.

  5. I just need to say that I have seen you post about getting behind in your blogging or something of that nature, and in the same way, I get behind in reading your amazing posts! And then I get days like today when I get to sit and just catch up and EVERY time I get to your last one before I reach the last time I read, I go “Booo Nooooo!” because I just love reading your posts. While that has very little to do with this specific post, I just wanted you to know you have that one extra person reading your words today and feeling extra inspired by them.

  6. Well, isn’t that refreshingly honest? LOVE IT. It took me about 40 years to come to these same conclusions. It obviously didn’t take you that long. Heard about this blog from my nephew. Go you, and praise God!

  7. DUDE…where has this blog been all my life? Just came across it. Thanks for speaking up. I love your voice. Thanks for sharing your story and being real.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s