2014, female dogs.

I would love to pretend like I’ve missed you all….& I have (most of you.)
But this post is accredited to insomnia, like the majority of them.

So my night last night pretty much looked like this….

Image

It also involved the massive urge to wee a few seconds before I finally(nearly) drifted off to sleep. Angrily scooting off to the toilet I sat down….& nothing. It’s like my urine played a sadistic prank on me. My bladder totally doesn’t talk ya’ll but if it did it would of uttered “HAHA just joking.” That was the final straw, so now I’m here.

Enough about my wee.

Soooo….It’s 2014.

As much as I had promised myself I would I made no resolutions on the 1st, because resolutions require resolve and this seems to be missing from my DNA – there’s just not a lot of personal discipline going on in these parts (I’m making a sweeping hand gesture toward my whole body right now… like you can see me…)
Also who does anything constructive on the 1st?

I’m 2 weeks late with my list, but late is fashionably cool, right? Unless it’s your period.

1. Read More.

2. Exercise, but not like this – https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=542959112402289 (Also why would anyone get those door pull up bar thingies, if Youtube has taught me 1 thing its that those things aren’t trustworthy….& how to make an array of bombs.)

3. Grow a plant (A cactus doesn’t count.)

4. Learn More

5. Make up — not to be confused with make out — with an ex.

6. Love myself more. Like Kanye loves himself, but 30% less.

7. Stop pretending it isn’t time to take the garbage out yet, by repeatedly smashing it down.

8. If I think somebody is cute, say “hi” and introduce yourself.

9. Empty my inbox every day, instead of waiting for it to get so full that i freak out, curl up in a ball and take a nap.

10. Speak encouragement

When I finished this list I realized that I probably would manage to do about 3. I had already failed at number 10 just by typing this line.

And then I heard that voice in my head, the second one. (The first one is usually an A-hole.)
You were meant to tell an honest story. Not a fairytale.
My story is wonky and a wild mixture of Bridget Jones, Working Girl, One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Just the Cuckoo part) and a lot of The Simpsons.

But It’s mine.

Even though I’m usually a pessimistic kill-joy with a craggy heart around New Years, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement at the start of this year. Just a twinge (I don’t even know what that means but it sounds fittingly tiny.). And even though I know I’m the exact same person I was yesterday, I like knowing that new years bring new things.

I’m ready for some new things.

I’m making 2014 my b…..estie.

Remember life is a jol.
Don’t be like Jennifer, she’s a party popper.

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