Birthday Hangover.

(I wish my thoughts would flow in some mild form of continuity, but they don’t. I’m sorry.)

I had a birthday.
It was cool.
I got presents.
And I ate a cupcake. By “a” I mean a few.

Yesterday I was trying to explain to Ty that it’s a thing – as you age, time passes exponentially quicker, gravity actually gets heavier, and your bladder shrinks to roughly the size of a peanut. Before you know it, you wake up one morning and you’re droopy all over, and living your whole life on the brink of wetting yourself. I’m sorry. That’s just how it is. I told you it’s a thing, there’s nothing you can do about it…. unless you have lots and lots of money… Ok, So there’s nothing I can do about it.

If you haven’t noticed I’m generally pretty depressed after my birthday, unless there is left over cake.

So Ladies… I have a question.

Why are we still using our butts as billboards? Seriously. I want to know. Someone needs to take responsibility for this atrocity.

Last week there was a lady casually walking down Long Street with the word -“Provocative”

That’s what her butt said. – I’m not even joking.

And I’m just gonna say this – That’s a long word. If I’m gonna wear a word on my butt, it’s NOT gonna have 4 syllables.

The thing is, I thought it was, like, an insult to sit on something. In my head, if you hate someone, you put your butt on their pillow. Growing up, if my brother wanted to torture me, he would sit on me (and then fart.)

Today I procrastinated and went on Twitter, as you do.
But I knew I was in a bad mood because even Twitter annoyed me.
The only thing I got from it is that I don’t care about….

1.What type of hops you use to make your beer.
2. Whether Beyoncé sang the National Anthem outside on Monday or in a studio last Friday.
3. Why your cell phone is vastly superior to mine.
4. Your cat.
5. Kim Kardashian’s womb.

After these life changing realizations I phoned a friend and we went for Cake, and all was well with my soul again.

Headlights are a necessity, but only if you have a car.

Or in my case you only need perfect bumpers on your two week old Mini if you have a 2 week old mini.

So I got a new Car this month and then 10 days later an idiot reversed into it. I was so angry, Why me? Why my new car? Why? Then I realizied bad things happen, but good things happen too and I am more than blessed. So stop whining Jenna, it’s not cute, its not productive and your voice gets really high pitched and annoying when you whine.

Sometimes you need to not give your problem power. You need to hand it over and then be done with it.

Have your angry moment and then let your angry moment go. Release it.

This day is a gift. Greet it that way.

(now smiling) Jenna Jay.


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